“Not caring what other people think is a superpower.”
Ed Latimore is a professional boxer, author, physics student, and speaker. Not only can he crush you in the boxing ring — but he can also crush you in a chess match. He’s a man of many talents, all of which combine to make him one of the most interesting and original writers today.
Ed’s your mentor if…
- You want to live more confidently and free of other people’s opinions
- You want to learn the skill of hard work and mastery
- You want to take control of your life and elevate your place in society
When I first saw the title of Ed’s book, I smiled and thought, “that’s clever.”
As time went on, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how genius it was.
The more you stop caring what other people think, the more you’ll realize how much it is a superpower.
When you stop caring about what other people think…
- You’re more authentic.
- You go after what you want.
- You stop making excuses.
- You stop apologizing.
- You recover from rejection and move onto the next thing much faster.
- You learn from your mistakes instead of getting hurt by them.
All of these things help you get what you truly want out of your life.
When you care what other people think, you’re living your life for them (and society) — not yourself.
If, deep down, you know you care too much about what other people think (and you want to change for the better), then Ed’s book was written for you.
Not Caring What Other People Think Is A Super Power Summary
Not Caring What Other People Think is A Superpower is Ed’s most popular book based on his most popular tweets.
“This is one of the single best advertisements for my book I’ve ever seen. You’ll get a lot out of this page.”
- Discipline = the most important thing in life, period.
- It’s important because it’s about doing what you don’t feel like doing — something most people won’t do.
- Do something that makes you nervous every day.
- Working hard is invaluable because of supply and demand — very few people do it, and many people need it.
- If you want something badly, then how difficult it doesn’t matter. You must it pursue it because it’s difficult.
- Want to become world class at something? You’re going to have to put in years of work your not proud of. That’s how you get there.
- Discipline is freedom. This is what Jocko Willink says.
- You’re going to suffer no matter what you choose — you might as well make your suffering worth something.
- Experience the pain of growth (good pain) by pushing past your plateaus.
- Develop proficiency and you’ll develop passion.
- Pain won’t last. The pain of not doing will last forever.
- Completion of your goals will bring you the most joy.
- Once you’ve made it, remind yourself of what it took to get you there. Don’t give up that effort.
- You won’t know your limits until you test them.
- People will bring you down to your level because they think it’s keeping you safe — and are protecting their own ego.
- Whenever you hear of someone success, think about how you could achieve that for yourself.
- Growth requires pain.
- On the path to success, your feelings don’t matter. You can worry about your feelings when you’ve made it.
- Work within the sphere of where you’re naturally talented and are capable of working hard — that is the sweet spot.
- Work now, and you can play later. Play now, and you’ll have to work later.
- Know that you can fail. In knowing this, you won’t become lackadaisical. A bit of fear of failure is healthy.
There is a saying: approach what is hard as if it were easy and approach what is easy as if it were hard. This is the proper mindset for growth. If you approach difficult things as if they are easy, then you won’t get discouraged with the challenges. If you approach easy things as if they are difficult, you are less likely to make stupid mistakes that will lead to your demise. In all of your endeavors, take this approach and proceed with humility.
- Set goals, stay quiet, and only talk results. Only talk about the things you’ve accomplished.
- Don’t do what feels best — do what makes sense.
- Only through struggle and effort will you find opportunity.
A ritual or tradition may become so successful that you start to doubt if you still need it. This is the greatest danger of success.
- Success requires hard work. If you want success, take the path that will demand more of you.
- Emotions can add richness and depth to your life — only if they are controlled.
- You can only control yourself — your intent and perspective. You can’t control anything else.
When the world is going out of control, the mantra you will say to yourself is “The only thing I control in this world is my mind. Everything else can and will do as it pleases”. Say it to start your day, say it to end your day, or say it when the day is not going according to plan. It doesn’t matter what you say it, only that you say it until you internalize it.
- From this point forward, you don’t have tragedy or devastation — you learn (sometimes hard) lessons.
- To gain a degree of control over someone other than yourself, you must influence them.
- All of your problems are related to finances, health or relationships — the solution of which consist of either “more money” or “more self-control.”
- Working in customer service hurts — but it teaches you a valuable lesson: how to stay cool under pressure. Few people have this ability.
- Mental discipline = physical ability. Control the mind well, and you can control the body better.
- Social media is dangerous, because it places you at the center of attention, thus inflating your ego. Minimize your use of it.
- Learn to control your emotions or you’ll be a slave to them.
Don’t blame your failures on things you CAN’T control until you’ve maxed out on things you CAN control.
- The degree to which you are able to control your self and remain discipline will control the quality of your life.
- Your life will either be a warning or an inspirational story. What will you choose?
- Do what must be done — and not caring what other people think will help you do it.
- While you improve, your ego will also want to grow. Stay humble.
- Learn to suffer. It will never end. Enjoy it.
The best things in life are found where the level of stress breaks most people. If you can learn to thrive here, then you will be a winner. This is guaranteed.
- The language you use when you talk to yourself is the most important you’ll ever hear. Speak to yourself like a winner.
- Demand that other people treat you with respect, or you won’t respect yourself. This starts with treating everyone you meet, by default, with respect.
- Do the things that make you worthy of this respect.
- Create high standards for yourself, and as a by-product, you will avoid wasteful relationships.
Once you accept that you’re different from others and refuse to make apologies for it, your peace will increase exponentially.
- Embrace your authenticity.
- “No” is the most powerful words in the English language. Use it more often, without excuse.
- Aim high, and even if you miss, you’ll still end high.
- When you raise your value, more people will want your time, and you’ll want less of theirs. Your relationships determine your happiness, so be selective about them.
- Learn to understand that the world will move on without you and your feelings. Don’t let your emotional state hold you back from doing what you must.
- Either spend your time with yourself or with high-quality people.
- If you want something bad enough, only death will stop you.
- Do what everyone else is doing (being “basic), and you’ll live the way everyone else does.
Men are encouraged to become sports junkies, drink cheap beer at happy hour and binge watch new shows on some streaming video service. this is not so much the path to mediocrity as it is the blueprint for building a woefully average existence. Your entire life becomes centered around consuming instead of producing anything interesting.
- When you improve, you enter unknown territory. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s progress, and you must endure the feeling of shedding your old self.
- Rejection is good — it’s a filter, and it’s filtering out things or people that aren’t worth your time or don’t see the value of what you can provide. The more you’re aligned with your goals, the more you’ll enjoy rejection.
Time, Confidence, and Sobriety
- Striving for great rewards means taking great risks. Build up your risk tolerance so that you can go after what you want, and be comfortable knowing that you may not get it.
- You cannot control your opponent, but you can control your process. Do not fear the outcome. Work on the things you can control — your process.
- Alcohol increases the quantity of your social interactions but drastically lowers the quality. That makes it not worth it.
- Your time on this earth is finite. Procrastination robs you of time, bringing you closer to death without any value.
When you feel the desire to procrastinate, remember that you will die and each wasted moment is one that will never return. Write down three things you have to do today.
- “Getting drinks” is often a waste of time. They reduce the quality of your conversations. Sober conversations with old friends are worth far more.
Push the snooze button and you’ll just end up working for someone who didn’t.
- Wake up earlier with your goal in mind. This will help you avoid the snooze button.
- You do things based on the rewards you get from them. These rewards are found in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Don’t neglect your basic motivations, and don’t feel bad for them.
- Want motivation? Think about what will happen if you DON’T take action.
- External motivation: women, fortune fame. Internal motivation: mastery, learning, pride. Start with external, and aim for internal.
- Aim to add positivity to the world, no matter how small.
- Set boundaries, and let people know when they cross the line.
To do something great with your life, you cannot embrace lies. Greatness comes from embracing responsibility. Responsibility comes from embracing truth.
- Write down your flaws, and face them. Everyone is flawed, but not everybody will face their flaws and attempt to remedy them.
- 150K people die per day. Every new day you’re alive is a blessing — treat it as such.
- Style is important — look to develop your own. Not just for dress, but how you carry yourself, and how you do things. Having your own style will bring you tremendous confidence.
- Work hard AND smart. With both, you have a recipe for success.
- Humans make judgments based on “shallow” things, so look nice and make them feel good.
Assume that every person you meet is the most shallow human being the planet. Operate with the belief that they do not care about anything but how you look and how you make them feel. This is already true in most cases, but if you don’t believe it then act on faith for a moment.
- Mastery of the fundamentals allows you to master the other aspects of your craft.
- There are no shortcuts to mastery. Don’t focus on it — focus instead on learning and getting better every day.
- Women can have tremendous power over you simply based on the fact that they’re women. Be aware of this.
- Learn about stoicism so you can learn to stop complaining.
If you’re ever in a mood to complain, remember this quote, “Be kind and lower your eyes, for everyone is fighting a harder battle.”
- Live in accordance with reality, not your feelings.
- You cannot change ingrained human behavior, so do not try to.
- Be tough on yourself, but be forgiving of the world.
- You are who you spend time with. People who aren’t improving themselves alongside with you will ostracize you.
- Learn to read body language, so you can get a better sense of when or if people lie to you.
- Aim for mastery so you can achieve control. When you have control, you have a deep understanding.
Happiness comes from stretching your limits.
- Freedom = when you’re free from dependency.
- When you’re in a rough spot, think of the things that bring you happiness — choose your mental state.
- Your own good habits protect you from other people’s bad habits. Replace bad habits with good ones.
- Develop the ability to view hard tasks as easy, and easy tasks as hard. Changing how you view a task can help you complete it successfully.
The truth is never complicated. What’s complicated is accepting how simple it really is.
- People’s behavior isn’t that complicated. 99% of us are just self-centered.
- Avoid becoming attached to “internet fame” if you develop it. Never lose focus on your personal, real-life relationships.
- How you use your knowledge is what matters. It’s a means to an end, not an end in itself.
- Everyone thinks they will be the exception. When giving advice, don’t be attached to the outcome — or, just stop giving unsolicited advice at all.
- “More money, more problems” is only true for people with other problems. More money generally means fewer problems, whereas a lack of money can create problems.
If you can take the complex and make it simple for people to understand, there’s a lot of money for you somewhere.
- Reject products that offer shortcuts — they’re playing on your desires to acheive things quick, fast, and painlessly.
- Improve your value, and you’ll improve your life. Create and contribute and you will raise your value. You need to consume greatness so you can produce greatness — but always produce more than you consume.
- Poor is a mindset, whereas broke is a temporary state of being that you can fix. Poor = scarcity mindset.
- Use your money to create an environment that can help you strengthen your best relationships.
Focus on building your relationships. Use money strengthen them. That is all that matters. That is how you move from poor to rich.
- In a funk? Get moving. Lift or run. Go walk. Just don’t stand still.
- Be careful of the information you use to make decisions — the false information will hurt you more than what you don’t know.
- Learn to speak using the minimum amount of words necessary to get your point across. This clarifies your communication.
- You can’t afford to have a reputation of “kind.” Gain a reputation for being ruthless, and then you gain the right to be kind.
- There is a lot of things you can be doing in this world. If you’re bored, that’s your fault. Learn to develop an interest in things, and you’ll never be bored. Meditate.
When a situation is going well, practice gratitude, and remember how bad life can be otherwise. When a situation is going badly, remember how good life has been before. Know that whaterer you are feeling, it will pass.
- When you embrace your individuality, you stop caring what other people think. When you care what other people think, it stops you from taking the risks that can position you for success.
- The only way to defeat your ego and it’s fear is through the power of apathy. Stop caring what other people think by leaning into who you really are, not by shying away from it.
Strategy and Tactics
- Strategy is the big picture, and tactics are the details. You can focus on strategy and win (slowly), but you can’t focus on tactics and win. Best to excel at both.
- Simulate disorder so you can learn to thrive within it. That’s how you’ll be able to deal with it when it happens to you in the real world.
Your disadvantages aren’t really disadvantages if your opponent doesn’t understand how to exploit them.
- Plan carefully and you have a higher chance of seeing your strategy through to success.
- Avoid “tactical hell” — only focusing on the day-to-day, small details — by knowing the “why” behind what you’re doing, and being proactive about your habits and decisions.
The man who knows how will always have a job. The man that knows why will always be his boss.
- Know they why, and the how will come. The “why” makes you more valuable and more useful.
- Style emerges from mastery. You cannot break the rules successfully until you’ve mastered them.
- Play the long game. Do the things now that will make you successful in 3 years, not 3 days.
- Either forget about your shortcomings or use them to your advantage.
- The trickiest opponents are masters at setting traps. The transcend the present moment and are able to think ahead of you, making you make mistakes.
- Learn so deeply that you forget. Aim to learn your craft so deeply in your body that you no longer have the ability to think about it.
- Focus on the process, and the outcome will come.
- The best strategy is somewhat flexible, helping you adapt depending on the circumstances that are presented to you.
Tactics before strategy is the best route to mastery. You need to have control of the brush strokes before you can paint the bigger picture.
- Boxing, poker, and chess are very similar not only to each other — but to life.
- Master the basics and you will go far.
- Exploit the weakness of your competitor so you can stack the odds of victory in your favor. If you’re in a fair fight, you didn’t set the fight up properly.
- When you’re proactive, you don’t need to be reactive.
- A true strategist can see the future.
Men are simple. What’s complicated is accepting how simply they really are.
- Men are motivated to exert and control their reality.
- A supportive woman is what a man wants. If she’s attractive, he will be motivated beyond belief. An attractive, supportive woman are key desires that men have for their partner.
- You learn more about relationships from a quick argument than years of agreement. How fights are handled determines the relationship.
- Negotiate, don’t fight.
Good women make you fall for them. Great women inspire you to become a man that keeps them falling for you.
- Stagnation is death — especially in relationships. Always be improving.
- You can pursue a relationship and your career at the same time. Don’t make excuses for why you can’t do both.
- There is incredible experience to be gained from both long-term relationships and playing the field. The more you can accrue, the better equipped you will be.
- You will know the fate of your relationship in the first 3 months.
- Learn to use the internet to find like-minded people, especially if you’re not in a big city.
- Learning to screen quality people from soul suckers is one of the most important skills you’ll ever develop. It comes from experience.
- With your relationship, find someone who is a good match for you.
- People can learn a lot about you from your partner. It speaks a lot about your character and self-esteem.
- Treat your opinions as opinions –not truth.
- The Prisoner’s Dilemma is a great way for testing the loyalty of your friends.
For a relationship to work two people have to be going in the same direction, at the same speed at the same time.
- Unconditional love is dangerous because it makes you complacent. You should have to earn the right to your relationships by being yourself — as should the people who wish to be in a relationship.
All dating advice reduces to 1) Ruthlessly enforce standard 2) Increase value to attract quality people. The rest are minor details.
- Screen people like this: are they worse off than you? Then don’t date them. Be with people who are better off than you, so you can rise to their ranks.
- Being different = being remembered. People crave familiarity and are seduced by your novelty. Embrace and own your uniqueness.
- The more deep relationships you have, the harder it is to develop that same bond with someone in the future.
- Learn to talk to women sober. Doing it while drunk is a waste of time, money, and energy.